Memory Lane

Growing up time always seemed to take so long.  It was FOREVER to get to Christmas.  Summer days dragged on, and we were in school for a lifetime.  At least that's what it seemed like.  I used to hear my mom talk about how time was flying and I always wondered what she was talking about.  Now I know:  Time speeds up.  The older you are, the faster it goes.  And it gets worse after you have a baby.  You blink and the little baloney loaf that you brought home from the hospital is standing up on her own, dancing to "She'll be coming 'round the mountain".  She's gone from just crying to philosophizing to the pig that hangs on the car seat handle.  (so she's not quite to the actual words yet, but that definitely doesn't keep her from being very emphatic about what she's saying.)  She has gone from unable to move to unable to sit still.  10 months doesn't seem like that long, but it's amazing how much changing can happen.

As I was thinking about all the changes that have happened, and thinking about how it doesn't seem like it's been that long, I started to wander down memory lane... It seems like just yesterday we were coming home from the hospital.  That first night home was hard.  Marshall had class the next day, so I was trying to let him sleep as much as possible.  (My mom was coming the next day, so I knew that I would have a chance to sleep.)  But for some reason, Alaina did not want to sleep at all.  She kept crying and wanting to nurse every 15-20 minutes.  I was exhausted, coming off of some major hormones, and just frustrated.  After three hours of non-stop feeding and crying I finally went to Marshall (I was sobbing myself at this point) and said "please try and get her to go to sleep".  My poor husband.  It was like 4 in the morning, he had a screaming daughter and a sobbing wife, and he was amazing.  Without missing a beat, he took Alaina and bounced her in one arm, all the while hugging me with the other.  He gave me the moment I needed to cry, then convinced me to try feeding her one last time, which I did.  He then said "go to sleep"  and took Alaina out of the room.  I woke up about 3 hours later and he still wasn't in the room.  I walked out to the main room, and there he was, sitting in the rocking chair, with Alaina asleep on his chest.
  I don't know if he slept at all that whole time.  I was so overcome with love for my husband at that moment.  I don't even know how to describe it.  I'm so lucky to have him.  When I was pregnant I had some people tell me that after having children your relationship with your husband changes- in a bad way.  Everyone told me that we would have a hard time transitioning from husband and wife to mother and father.  They all said that he would put the baby before me and that I would have to be careful not to get jealous, and so much more.  They were partially right- our relationship HAS changed.  But they are wrong about HOW it's changed.  Having a child has made me love him so much more.  Experiences like the one above and others, where he sacrificed so that I wouldn't lose my sanity have made me appreciate him even more than I did.   Husband and wife doesn't end just because you also become mother and father.  And I am so glad.

Looking back, this last 10 months has been a wild ride.  Ups and downs, wonderful moments and not-so-good times.  And even with all the stress and crazy moments, with all the poop blowouts and the ear shattering screams, the lack of sleep and having to sweep ten times a day, and everything else in between,  I would do it again in a heart beat.  Because it's worth it.  It's worth it for the wet kisses, the babbling conversations, and the beautiful smiles.  It's worth it to see her shimmying to music and hear her screeches of delight when she does.  It's worth it to see her curiosity and the excitement with which she explores her world.  It's worth it to hear her laugh.  It's worth it for the chance to get to know this amazing little spirit that she has.


It really wasn't that long ago that I met Alaina in the hospital room.  But so much has changed since then that it seems like forever ago.  And at the same time, it seems like it was yesterday.  Don't ask me to describe it- I know it doesn't make sense.  I know that from that moment, my life has never been the same.

And I couldn't be happier.

Garden

I love fresh veggies.  When I was growing up, my family had a garden about the size of most people's living rooms.  And I remember coming home from school, walking out to one of the tomato plants and pulling off a plump, ripe tomato, which I would then eat like an apple.  I remember sitting in front of the TV with my siblings with a huge pile of beans to snap.  I remember canning those beans with my mom.  So many wonderful memories, and let me tell you, there is NOTHING better than fresh home-grown veggies. I have always wanted to have a garden, but we rent.  Landlords tend to frown upon people mucking up the grounds.

So, when we moved into our apartment in March and one of the ladies that lives there was putting together a community garden, you can imagine how excited I was.  I envisioned myself pulling that plump ripe tomato off the vine again. I couldn't wait to feel the sense of accomplishment that I used to feel when I ate something that I had helped plant.  I was excited to have squash and cucumbers (and, I was excited to cut our grocery bill.)  So we got together and planted.  And I waited.  The only thing I was concerned about is that Crissy, in her desire to be cheap, used branches from trees that she found on the ground to stake up the tomatoes.  I told her to "break the bank" and actually get some more sturdy dowels.  But I wasn't in charge.

When you're not in charge, things don't turn out exactly like you wanted them to.

My finger for comparison

I don't eat okra, and I told Crissy I didn't want any, but for some reason and okra plant was put in next to my squash.  Apparently there is a reason okra is a southern food.  It grows.  And grows.  So now, I have an okra TREE in my part of the garden.  The stalk is literally three inches in diameter.  I wouldn't have a problem with this, except for one thing:



It killed my squash.  You see that bare spot next to the okra tree? Front left?  That's where it was.  I got one little tiny squash before monster okra took over and killed it.

And the tomatoes I have been looking forward to all year?  I was right about the stakes.  Because the stakes weren't actually keeping the plants upright, they decided to get friendly and grow into a tomato lump.  So now I have to penetrate the Devil's Snare to get at the lovely red spheres.  At least they are alive.  The other thing that is alive still are the peppers.  Now, back when we were planning this garden we said that we would have two kinds of pepper- green bell peppers and jalapenos.  And I was very clear that I was more interested in the bell peppers.  Crissy kept calling them "sweet" peppers, but I thought that was just what she called them.  Well, I'm not sure if there was a mix up at the seed bank or if chrissy didn't actually understand what I wanted when I said "bell pepper", but for some reason we have banana peppers, not bell peppers.  NOT the same thing.

Now I'm not a total poor sport.  I have been experimenting with what we have- I learned how to make a actually really yummy okra, tomato, and banana pepper dish.  I've experimented with the jalapenos- Marshall likes them.  They're way too hot for me though.  I've even experimented with the collards that also grow WAY too well...  I'm not sure I'm actually going to eat that dish.

I just can't wait until I have my own place and I can decide what I do and don't want. And how I want to plant it.  Because if I decide to grow okra, it's gonna be WAY far away from my squash.

Life is precious.

Forewarning: This is going to be a serious post.

Alaina usually sleeps really well.  Occasionally, however, she will cry for a moment or two and then go back to sleep.  So usually if we hear cries in the middle of the night we wait a couple of minutes to see if she'll go back to sleep.  The other night, I was suddenly awakened by her crying.  And instead of waiting like I normally do, I immediately felt like I should go check on her.  I don't know exactly what it was, whether it may have been a subtle difference in her cry or what.  But something told me that this was not a normal cry and that I needed to check on her.  So I immediately got up and went into her room.  Now, I was not wearing my contacts and all the light I had was her little night light, but I could see that she was kinda crouched next to the crib wall.  Once I got a little closer, I could see that the Boppy pillow that she sleeps with was up kinda on her shoulder.  I didn't quite know what to think, but she's had the habit of throwing her stuffed animals out of the bed when she gets irritated recently.  She's never thrown the Boppy, but that's what passed through my mind.  (Now, I've never been quite sure why, but this particular Boppy pillow has a strap attached to it, which I think is to create a kind of harness for a baby if you're using it as a seating helper.  It has a pocket to tuck it into when you're not using it.)  Well, when I picked her up, the Boppy came with her.  Looking a little more closely, the reason my baby was yelling so frantically was because the strap that usually stays in the little pocket had been jogged loose and somehow, in her sleep, Alaina had wound it around her.  Twice.  It was wound around her neck and under one arm.  Twice.  So tightly that it had pulled the arm it went under up to her ear on that side.  Even with the adrenaline that took over, it still took me a couple of seconds to get it off.  Like a Boa Constrictor trying to squeeze the life out of her.  All I could do afterwards was hold Alaina and cry.  Both of us needed it.

That fiendish Boppy cover is going in the trash.

Now, Alaina is fine.  I know that.  I keep having to check on her while she's asleep to make sure, but she is fine.  But this experience has taught me several things.  First, I am so grateful to my Heavenly Father for making that strap go under her arm.  I cannot express how grateful I am for that.  I've been crying on and off since it happened, not because I'm sad, but because I am so grateful.  This could easily have ended in tragedy for us.  I am grateful that I, like Abraham, was saved by a loving Heavenly Father from that experience.   I think for a moment, in that room, I felt a small part of what Heavenly Father felt when Jesus was in the Garden.  He knew that He needed to let Jesus die for us.  I don't think I will ever fully comprehend how hard and painful that experience was for our Father in Heaven.  But I think I appreciate it much more now.  Second, I caught a glimpse into what it might be like to loose a child.  And I didn't like it.  Life is much more precious than I've ever thought.  I have always taken it for granted that people are just going to be OK. I always pray for protection, but I don't think I've ever really understood what that could mean.  It's just what I know I should ask for.  My prayers are going to be much more sincere from now on.   Lastly, I learned the importance of listening to the spirit.  A couple of weeks ago I had the thought that I didn't like the color of the Boppy cover, and I wanted to get a new one.  But I didn't because it was expensive and I'm cheap.  I thought that's all it was- just me being silly because the cover didn't match the crib bedding.  Maybe it was, and I'm over analyzing.  I don't know.  But I do know, that even though I didn't follow that first whisper, I was given a second chance.  I'm certain that the reason I responded to quickly to Alaina's cries that night was because the Holy Ghost was telling me that I needed to.  And I didn't hesitate to listen then.  I'm glad I got that second chance.  And I'm glad I listened.

I'm even more glad that Alaina is OK.  We already have another Boppy cover.  Somehow, it didn't seem all that expensive this time.

Toys

Having a kid is expensive.  You'd be surprised at how much stuff they need. and beyond the necessities, there are all those things that people have invented to make parenting "easier".  I'm not sure what baby needs knee pads for crawling- carpet isn't THAT hard that it'll hurt. Then there are all the toys.  I've always wondered why toys are so expensive.  Toy makers must be rolling in the dough.  I guess part of it is all the testing that they have to do to make sure the are safe for kids, but I still think it's kinda crazy how much things cost.  I guess there are parents out there that are willing/able to pay whatever the toy manufacturers ask.  Not me.  Especially since I've had Alaina.  We have an excersaucer (that we got second hand for free, but the original price was over $100).  We have stuffed animals, we have books of all shapes and sizes.  We have several toys.  And her favorite?...

Wait for it....

Can Koozies.  Yup, that's right- the squishy can holders you can put on your drink to keep your hand from freezing and falling off.  She LOVES those things.  We got them for free.  She holds one in each hand and crawls around the house.  She claps them together as if they were cymbals.  She chews on them and uses them like teethers.  The next favorite?  Costume jewelry that we got in New Orleans.  Marshall's aunt bought them 3 for a dollar and gave them to Alaina. (Again, cost to us= free) These are great cause they are shiny, and Alaina is definitely a girl.  She wears them around the house, chews on them, etc.  Third?  The nasal aspirator. The one we got in the hospital.  Again, cost to us= free.  Then there is her fascination with tissues.  I think one of the best presents we could give her is a box of tissues that she could just pull them out as she wanted.

So maybe I'm a bad parent because I haven't bought all of the learning toys that are supposed to help them learn and grow and develop.  But I console myself with the thought that I turned out ok.  And my favorite toy growing up was a wooden box with two black circles on top- it was my oven.  And I loved it.  There is time later for all the high tech gadgets out there.  Maybe.  If she asks me nicely enough...

New at this

So apparently I'm the last person in the world to get a blog.  It took forever to find a title and URL that I liked that wasn't already taken.  But, I'm gonna give blogging a try.  Mostly because I'm really bad at writing a journal.  And there are so many neat things that happen every day when you have a baby.  I just don't want to look back and think "I wish I had written down all of the cute things Alaina used to do".  And, of course, it will be great fun to look back with her on her graduation day and laugh about all the silly things she did.  Or embarrass her on her first date.  You know, the normal parent stuff.

Now, I am not under any delusions that someone reading this blog won't already know who I am.  I'm not THAT interesting.  But, in the off chance that someone that doesn't know me happens to drop by this page, let me introduce myself.  For some reason back when I was better about writing in my journal I would always introduce myself at the start of each new book too... I still don't really know why.  But here we go.  My name is Sunny.  I was born and raised in the South.  Born in Greensboro, N.C. and moved to Suwanee G.A. when I was fifteen.  I spent a couple of years in Utah going to college, and then 18 months in Taiwan.  Yes, I do speak Mandarin, Chinese. (random interesting tidbit)  After I got back I got married to my wonderful sweetheart, Marshall.  He was very patient and wrote to me the whole time I was over there, even though if he had had his way, we probably would have gotten married instead.  It was really neat to get to know him through letters though.  He is my absolute best friend and he is always so supportive of everything I want to do.  Our beautiful baby girl is now 9 months old, and I really have no clue where that time went.  She's a little spitfire- loves to climb and find things to get into.  I wish we had a bigger place so she would have more area in which to crawl, but that's not happening until Marshall gets a job.  Marshall just  finished up his masters in Statistics and he's currently trying to find a job- he wants something in the pharmaceutical realm (drug trials, things like that).  We'll see how that goes.  We've been the pretty stereotypical poor student family for the past 3 years.  But we still have fun.  I try to be a very crafty and awesome stay-at-home mom, but there just aren't enough hours in the day.

Most of this from here on out is going to be the rambling thoughts and tidbits that I come up with during nap time.  I wish I were eloquent like my little sister, but her talent is writing and mine is painting.  I'll do my best not to bore you.  I heard a song once that was set to "favorite things" from Sound of Music.  But it was "Bedtime and Naptime" - a Mom's favorite things.  I kinda have to disagree.  Naptime might be my least favorite time of the day.  I like that I can put a fussy Alaina down and get a happy one up a couple of hours later, but the time in between is not my favorite and I'll tell you why:  When Alaina is awake I just relish in the ability to play with her, talk (babble) back and forth with her, and basically enjoy my child.  However, once that door closes and she's down I look around and think of all the stuff I should be doing: clean the house, sweep the floor, make the bed... etc.  But I'd much rather do something else.  Like NOT clean.  Now, before you get the wrong idea, my house is pretty clean to begin with.  Mostly I just need to tidy up and push the broom around to get up the remnants of lunch.  I'd rather have her awake so I don't have to feel guilty about what I'm not doing.  And, to be honest, it's just more fun with her awake.  Today I figured that writing a blog is a good way to kill two birds with one stone:  I can feel productive during nap time because I'm getting something accomplished and I don't have to feel bad about not tidying up the toys that I know she'll just pull back out in a couple of hours.  And hopefully this will be interesting for more than just me.